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When it comes down to it, humans are selfish creatures.
What Can You Offer? – Your Social Value
When it comes down to it, humans are selfish creatures.Even when we do something nice for someone else, we’re really doing it to either suppress the anguish of seeing them suffer, or to get a good feeling from making their lives better (if you don’t agree, read chapter 10 of The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins or chapter 4 of Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman).
At the core of every person are three basic desires:
- The desire to feel important
- The desire to be recognized
- The desire to feel appreciated by others
Some of the best hotels are excellent at providing these (and emptying your wallet at the same time). Things like compliments, being addressed with formal title, room service, and having your name remembered are all ways to make you feel spectacular.
Social value can come in many forms—some better for your situation than others.
When you arrive at the scene, make sure you keep these basics in mind.
Being degrading, condescending, displaying superiority, always one-upping others, being a know-it-all, giving the cold shoulder, and taking people for granted are all sure-fire ways to push yourself far, far away from friends, or potential friends.
On top of being mindful of those needs, you won’t be accepted unless you bring something to the table. I call this commodity that you have as a member of a social setting your “social value.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that you have to share your loaded nachos to gain friends. I mean that you need to provide something valuable to the person or group of people for your presence to be wanted.
This can come in many forms—some better for your situation than others. For instance, you might be able to make them laugh. Or, you might be able to put others at ease and make them feel relaxed. Or you might be really fun to be with.
You may even be getting into trouble all the time, and others are attracted to the drama.
You might have a lot of problems in your life and do a good job at communicating them without asking for pity—making the person you’re talking to feel better about their own situation.
Or, you may have a car, and nobody else does. Or, you have a 62 inch television with the best surround sound money can buy.
The good news is, there are tons of things that you can offer. Generally, it’s better to steer away from basing your social value on materials (money, transportation, a big television, etc.), because people will tend to take advantage of you for these kinds of things.
They may see you as “the one with the TV” or “the one with the car,” rather than seeing you as “the one that makes me laugh myself to tears” or “the one I can depend on.”
(By the way, if you’re like that right now, with people taking advantage of you for the things you own or have access to, STOP IT! Stop catering to everyone immediately and start thinking about yourself! It’s not being selfish—it’s having a backbone. You may have heard the expression, “You have to be selfish to be generous.” It’s true.)
It’s much better to show others the valuable parts of who you are, and have the material things come second.
By developing your personality into one that others love, you can attract friend after friend. You'll be able to surround yourself with the kinds of people you want to be with because you'll have what they want--an amazing personality.
And if you're serious about incorporating these principles into your social life, I highly recommend you check out my eBook, Start Socializing, which contains countless ways to increase your social value.
You can get yourself a copy and start incorporating the principles in as little as 5 minutes. Get the Start Socializing eBook here.
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